An Elastic Christmas

By Mark J. DeGregorio

It was Nonie’s favorite time of the year. She loved the snow. She loved the way everyone decorated. For you see, it was Christmas time. She, Stephanie, and Alan was decorating the apartment for the holidays. Nonie was stretching all out to get the tree decorated, in a literal sense. As Stephanie would hand her an ordainment, Nonie would stretch her arms to place it on the tree.

Alan was hanging the stockings with care, “With hopes that St. Nicolas would soon be there.” Alan recited. He turned to Stephanie and asked, “Hey Steph, is there any more egg nog left?”

“No. If you want more, go to the store.” Stephanie answered.

Nonie was excited. She loved Christmas. She asked, “So, what about presents? Are we going to exchange gifts?”

Stephanie looked at her little friend, smiled, and said, “Nonie, would you like to get one of your gifts now?”

Nonie’s blissful face lit up when she heard that, “Yes! Oh Boy! Give me! Give me! Give me!”

Stephanie held out an envelope, which Nonie snatched up and tore it open. Reading the contents, Nonie was puzzled, and asked, “What’s this?”

Stephanie smiled and coyly asked, “Well, what does it say?”

Nonie read aloud, “I got you a job at the mall as a Santa’s elf. Merry Christmas, Stephanie.” She then glared at Stephanie and sarcastically replied, “Gee Steph, Thanks a lout.”

Stephanie smiled and said, “It’s the thought that counts, and believe me, and I put a lout of thought into your gift.”

Alan looked back and said, “Speaking of gifts, I got to go. Later guys.” Then, he took off.

Nonie asked, “Where is it do you suppose he’s been going?”

Stephanie shrugged her shoulders and replied, “Who cares, as long as he’s out of my hair.”

Nonie and Stephanie finished trimming the tree. As they were putting away the boxes, Stephanie reminded Nonie, “Make sure you go to bed early tonight.”

“Why?” Nonie asked. The answer surprised Nonie when Stephanie told her that this “Christmas elf” job started the next day.

* * * * * *

The next morning, Stephanie pulled Nonie from her bed and got her dressed (with plenty of complaining). After breakfast, Stephanie dragged Nonie into her car and droved her to the mall. Nonie pouted all the way there, “Why did I have to get a job as an elf?”

Stephanie did not take her eyes off the road replied, “Because you wreaked my car. It cost me five hundred dollars to get it fixed.”

“But I look silly in this elf get-up.” Nonie complained.

They stopped at a red light, Stephanie glanced at Nonie and said, “Oh, and that “Elasticity” get-up of yours doesn’t make you look silly." Nonie did not say anything the rest of the way to the mall.

When they arrived, Stephanie had to extract Nonie from the car and hauled her to the mall office. Stephanie had two guards to escort her to Santa Claus and make sure that she would stay there. Stephanie then left for her job.

He was as Nonie had envisioned, a large, plumbed man in a red and white suit. She was amazed at how much this Santa looked like the Coca-Coda Santa in all those ads. Santa walked over to her and looked her over. After a moment of thought, he said, “So, this is my new little helper.”

After Santa informed her of her duties, they went out to greet the people and hear the kids Christmas lists. Santa took his seat, while Nonie went to get the kids. Nonie took a stance, cupped her hands to her mouth, and bellowed out as loud as she could, “Okay kids! Who wants to see Santa Claus!”?

Nonie eyes widened as she saw over two hundred kids racing towards her to see Santa. When the first wave came, they knocked her down. The second trampled over her. After the third wave passed over her, Nonie had become one very much-squashed little elf. Moreover, if things could not get any worst, they did.

Nonie heard a familiar voice said, “Ah, poor wittle Nonie.” She peeled her head off the floor to see what she had feared she would see, Patricia Connling, “What’s a matter, is the big bad nasty holidays leaving you a little FLAT.” She continued to mock.

“Go away Patricia!” Nonie said as she peeled her flattened self off the floor, “What are you doing here anyway? Aren’t you supposed to be shopping at someplace up town?”

Nonie was starting to reform herself back into three dimensions as Patricia replied, “I got daddy’s credited card, and I’m slumming it today. And I heard you were going to be working here…”

Nonie had fixed herself and, was not going to stand there and listen to any more of “Plastricia’s” rambling, turned and walked away from her teasing.

* * * * * *

She approached Santa and the children who were waiting to see him. After about two hours, Santa took a break to stretch his legs. He walked around the mall, waving and greeting the shoppers. When Santa returned, Nonie was sitting in his chair, gabbing on her cell phone. The children were crying for her to get out of Santa’s chair. Nonie was telling Irma over the phone how Stephanie made her get this job. Santa pulled her out of his chair, and then yelled at her.

A little later in the day, Santa had finished listening to a little girl’s gift list and wanted to get a picture of her with him. Santa called to his little elf helper, but Nonie was too busy listening to her portable CD player and reading a teen magazine. After Santa finally got her attention, he proceeded to yell at her again.

Still later, it had been six hours since Nonie started this routine as the little helper-elf. She started to get a little thirsty. Santa had told her not to leave the area. However, since she was Elasticity the elastic super heroine, she had the means to get herself a drink from the food court without leaving the area. Nonie reached into her pocket and pulled out some money. She then stretched her arm over to the food court and to the Corn Dog Seven counter. She proceeded to tap on the counter to get the clerk’s attention. A hand tapping on his counter distressed the surprised attendant. Nonie’s hand pointed to the vanilla Pepsi tap and then laid down her money. She pointed to the 32 oz cup. The attendant prepared the drink and gave it to the hand, which pulled away with the drink. As Nonie sipped on the drink, Santa gave her a glare. She looked at him and asked, “What?”!

* * * * * *

Finally, it was time to go home and Nonie had a very rough day. This was the first time she could remember ever working eight hours in one day. She does not know how Stephanie could do that five days a week. Nevertheless, she is glad that it is over, and that she had not been fired. Nonie entered the apartment and Stephanie asked her, “So, how did your first day at work go?”

Nonie dragged herself in and replied, “Terrible!”

Stephanie lifted an eyebrow and asked, “Alright, what did you do this time?”

“Nothing,” she retorted, “and Santa isn’t as jolly as you would think.”

Stephanie did not like the coarse this conversation was leading. This was the usual way Nonie would loose a job. Stephanie grilled her, “Okay, what happened this time?”

“Well for starters, he yelled at me all day long.” The elastic girl countered.

“Because…” Stephanie started to coach her.

There was a moment of silent and then Nonie spoke, “Well, he yelled at me just because I was talking to Irma, whom I haven’t seen since graduation…”

“You saw her just last month at your reunion!” Stephanie exclaimed.

“…anyway,” Nonie continued, “he took my phone away and didn’t give it back until I got off of work.”

Stephanie’s eyes widen with astonishment at hearing this, she asked, “What were you doing talking to Irma on the phone while you were working?” Stephanie shook her head and continued, “Well, at least you didn’t use your elastic powers while you were at work.”

The look on Nonie’s face told it all. Stephanie placed her hand over eyes and said, “Oh god, you did!”

Nonie tried to lighten the atmosphere, she informed Stephanie, “Well, at least I didn’t get fired.”

Stephanie pulled her hand away from her face, looked at her in astonishment and questioned, “Uh, how is that possible?” Nonie shrugged her shoulders. Stephanie sighed, “Oh well, tomorrow will be a better work day.”

“You mean I have to go back!” Nonie cried and oozed herself into a gooey blob and slithered along the floor to her and under her bedroom door.

* * * * * *

A couple weeks had gone by and Nonie still had her job. It was now Christmas Eve, so the mall was going to close early. It was late in the shift and the crowd of kids had slowed down. Santa had only eight kids left in his line. Santa looked to Nonie and said, “These are the last ones, no more after that one.” Then he pointed at the last boy in line.

Nonie gave him a salute and responded, “Aye, aye Santa. No more after this one. You can count on me.”

Santa went on with his duties while Nonie placed the cutoff rope after the eighth child. When Santa was down to his last two children, a little boy came running over to try to get in line. He reminded her of that little rotten boy from that movie about the “Women’s All American Baseball League” or something like that. He was pudgy, with sandy blonde hair. His horizontal striped t-shirt was a size too small, which added to his fatness, and had on scuffed up jeans. Nonie enlightened him, “Santa is almost finished. This is the last one.”

“What!” replied the little boy as he glared at her.

Nonie simply explained, “Santa has to return to the North Pole so he can deliver all those presents.”

“But how’s he going to know what I want?” he demanded.

Trying not to get angry, she explained, “Look! He knows when you’re sleeping, AND he knows what you want…”

“Then why does he have to hear our Christmas lists for?” he interrupted.

Now she was becoming infuriated with this little brat. Nonie thought to herself, why are you so fat and stupid, which plastered a smile over her face as she said, “So your parents can get a photo of their kids with Santa.”

She looked around and asked the boy, “By the way, where are your paren…” An excruciatingly sharp pain to her shin cut off Nonie.

Nonie rubbed her throbbing shin and said, “That little brat kicked me in the shin and took off! Wait till I get my hands on him!” Then she took off after him.

* * * * * *

Nonie was looking around for that fat little brat and started to think about how fat he was. That the food court would be a very good place to start. Nonie goes to an area where she could stretch herself up to the second floor, where the food court was, to see if he was there. “There he is!” she said with a grin stretched across her face.

Nonie grabbed the railing and pulled herself up to the second floor. The little horror was gobbling down some chicken nuggets and fries, and did not see her approach him from behind. “Well, I see you’re stuffing yourself.”

The kid turned to see that annoying elf girl he had kicked. He grabbed the remaining nuggets, threw them at Nonie, and took off. Nonie was not going to let him away again, “Oh no you don’t!” Then she went after him. He was already at the escalators when Nonie caught up to him. As he got off, Nonie stretched her legs down to the first floor, then retracted herself to her normal size. He was zigzagging through the crowd and Nonie almost had him when she ran into a couple that were holding hands. She apologized and continued her pursuit. When she caught up to him again, he was exiting through the outer doors of the mall. Looking for a place to hide, he saw a Santa sleigh and hopped in the back. Nonie reached the doors which he exited, and stretched her neck to get a better view of the parking lot. Spotting him she muttered, “There you are.” Then she recoiled her neck.

Nonie approached the sleigh and said, “Alright you rotten little kid, get out of the sleigh before someone sees you.”

“No!” came the replied from the sleigh.

She was now angry, “Don’t make me come in there and get you.”

When there was no response, she climbed into the sleigh to pluck him out. That is when she heard someone coming. She stoop down yanking the kid down too. “Stay down and be quite.” She scolded him.

The mall’s Santa came to the sleigh and got into it. He picked up the reins and shouted to the reindeers, “Let’s go home, we’ve have a lot of work ahead of us tonight!”

From the back of the sleigh, they felt the movement. When they peaked out the back, Nonie’s eyes widen at the sight she saw. The sleigh was about two miles in the air. With the wind blowing through her hair she whispered, “My God, he really is Santa Claus.” Then she started to think “home?” Then she realized what “home” meant and continued, “Oh no, we’re going to the North Pole.”

Nonie ducked down pulling the kid down with her and said, “Oh God! We’re like Spritle and Chim-Chim…” Nonie glared at the rotten little kid and continued, “…and you’re Chim-Chim.”

The fat boy looked at her with a puzzled look. Nonie explained, “From “Speed Racer”, his little brother and his monkey.”

“What-ever.” He responded.

* * * * * *

At Nonie and Stephanie’s apartment, Stephanie was on the phone with Irma trying to see if Nonie was over there. Alan came to the door and used a key he had copied, and let himself in. “Well, if you see or hear from her, give me a call. Alright, bye.” And Stephanie hung up the phone.

“Is Nonie not back from work yet?” Alan asked.

Stephanie looked at her brother and said, “No, she usually gets back around ten o’clock.”

Alan tried to reinsured her, “Maybe she stop to do some “super heroing” and lost track of the time.”

“Or maybe she got herself into a big mess, and needs to be either bailed out of jail, stuck in the energy room getting patched up, or some super villain has her captured and tied up somewhere.” Stephanie theorized.

“Well, she is a super heroin.” Alan replied.

Stephanie glanced at her brother and said, “Yea, and she is still Nonie, which is reason to be alarmed.” Stephanie started to think and asked, “By the way, how’d you get in here anyway?”

Alan held up a key and replied, “With this key I made.”

Stephanie snatched the key from her brother’s hand and said, “You mean the key you used to have don’t you?”

* * * * * *

This was bad, very bad. Not only was she going to the North Pole, but it was freezing cold there. The cold air was making her body a little stiff. She was still able to stretch, but not as fast. Elasticity now has a slight flaw to coldness. She just glared at that fat little booger that got her into this mess. How wonderful it would be to throw him out of the sleigh this very minute. That thought brought a smile to her face, she would never really do it, but just thinking about it made her happy.

Santa just sat there directing his reindeers and they started their descent. After a few bumps, the sleight was now steadied. The little brat poked his head up and shouted, “OH BOY!!! Look at all those TOYS!!!”

Santa eyes widen as he turned to look, “What the…”

What he saw was two stowaways on his sleigh. One he recognized as his elf helper, and the other was a young boy. Santa asked, “You…What are you doing here?”

Knowing her goose was cooked, she explained, “It’s not my fault, this little brat jumped into your sleigh and I tried to get him out.”

Santa looked at the little kid and said, “Melvin Butterfield.”

Nonie looked at Melvin and snidely replied, “Butterfield? More like Butterball if you ask me.”

“Well, we don’t have the time to return you home right now,” Santa said, pointed at Nonie. His finger was about two inches from her nose and continued, “…you brought him here, you watch him!”

“ME!” Nonie cried.

Santa replied, “Yes you! Just keep him out of trouble, and I’ll return you home on my route tonight.”

Nonie gave Melvin a glare that Stephanie would give to Alan when he was up to something and said, “I hope you know that this is “above-and-beyond” the call of duty.”

Santa turned to his Forman elf and the two left. Nonie thought to herself, why do I always get into these messes. Then turned to keep an eye on Melvin, only Melvin was already gone. “And it just keeps getting better. MELVIN!!!” and she began the search.

Nonie ran into the toy factory in search of the little brat. She came to a machine, which mass produces Barbie dolls, when someone from behind her pushed her into the machine. As Nonie fell into the machine, she saw Melvin laughing at her. Once inside, she found herself pushed onto a large piece of cardboard, then was fastened with wires around her arms, legs, body, and neck. She was then, placed into a box with a clear plastic window and exited the machine. Nonie thought to herself, swell, I’m a limited edition elastic holiday Barbie. She started to shake herself in the attempt to knocked her box off the conveyer belt. After a few attempts, she did it, only she found herself on yet another conveyer belt. This one was heading for a rolling press. “Aaaah! First I’m made into a Barbie doll, and now I’m going to become a paper doll!” Nonie cried out.

Nonie tried to get out of the wires, which were holding her down, but with the cold temperature, she was not able to get herself out in time. (Scrunch!) The box and Nonie passed under the roller. One of the elves lifted her off the conveyer belt. She was pressed flat and looked like a huge Christmas card. Nonie’s flattened body slipped out of the crushed box, which had her trapped. This traumatized the poor elf, which he fainted dead away. After a few minutes of effort, she re-formed herself back into her normal proportions. Now she was really going to get that kid.

As she ran out of the toy factory, she was bomb-barded with snowballs. Two guesses on who’s throwing these snowballs, she thought. Nonie took cover at a snow bank and yelled, “Melvin!”

She came out from the snow bank dodging snowballs as best as she could. Melvin did score at least five direct hits on her before he ran out of snowballs. This is what she was waiting for. She started to charge him, and as the coward he was, he turned and ran.

Melvin attempted to jump onto a snowmobile and escape, but as he started it, Nonie had stretched her arm and pulled him off. The snowmobile took off and smashed into one of the supports that held up the globe of the world showing all the points of Santa’s route. Santa was looking out of the window and saw all of this and he, Mrs. Claus, the Forman elf, and all the other elves ran out to see what had happened.

The one support, which was damaged, collapsed. This sent the globe rolling across the elf village. Everyone began to scatter as it went rolling by. Nonie let Melvin go and ran ahead of the globe. She thought it was time for Elasticity to come to the rescue. Her elf outfit transformed into her Elasticity costume. She position herself ahead of it, planted her feet firmly to the ground, and held out her hands to stop the globe. It was not until it was about twenty feet from her when she had a thought and said, “Wait a minute, I don’t have super strength.”

The globe rolled over Elasticity and flattened her out. It kept on its destructive path until it smashed Santa’s sleigh. Santa was in shock, he could not believe what he had just seen cried, “Oh No! The sleigh! Christmas is ruined!”

Mrs. Claus ran over to where Nonie laid and said, “Oh the poor girl, she foolishly tried to stop that huge globe and now she’s…”

“Flattened, yea I know.” The flattened girl said.

Mrs. Claus jumped back and cried, “Aaaah! How?”

Elasticity peeled her head up to look at Mrs. Claus and added, “You’d be surprised at how often this happens to me.”

“Do you need anything?” Mrs. Claus asked her.

“Yea, you could take me someplace warm so I can get myself back to my normal shape and size.” The flattened rubber girl replied.

* * * * * *

At the toyshop, everyone was trying to figure out how to save Christmas. Santa had the “Naughty/Nice” list in his hand. Santa places his glasses on the brim of his nose and looked over the list. “…And after this little stunt,” Santa removed his glasses and looked at Melvin and continued, “who’ve been moved up to spot number one hundred and forty two on the Naughty list.”

“What was he before this happened?” Nonie asked, cuddling the blanket Mrs. Claus gave her.

Ignoring her question, Santa continued, “Right now, nothing matters. If we can’t get the gifts delivered, there will be no Christmas for anyone.”

At that point, everyone gave Melvin a nasty glare, then turned their attention back on the matters at hand. One of the elves asked, “Well maybe we could build another sleigh…?”

“There wouldn’t be enough time to do that.” Santa interrupted him.

Elasticity’s eyes lit up with a flash of brilliance, for her it was an amazing thing. She said, “If you have plans for a sleigh, I can shape-shift into the sleigh and save Christmas.”

Santa looked up and asked, “What? Can you do that?”

“Sure.” And Elasticity took one of her arms out from the blanket and shaped it into a mallet.

For the first time since this happened, Santa smiled and said to Elasticity, “Nonie with your body so malleable, won’t you be my sleigh tonight?” Then all the elves loved her, as they shout it out with glee. Elasticity was going to be the malleable sleigh that saved Christmas.

* * * * * *

They went to work to save Christmas. The Forman elf, Jasper, pulled out the plans for Santa’s sleigh. Elasticity studied them for a moment and then started to shape her body. She flattened her body and curved it back to form the main part of the sleigh. She then, formed her legs and arms into long struts for movement. Jasper looked her over and commented, “Santa is going to need a place to sit.”

Elasticity folded her shoulders back to form a place to sit. Again, Jasper studied her and mentioned, “Santa is going to need a place to put his feet for those stops.”

Elasticity sighed, flattened her head, and stretched it wide, bending it back to make a footrest and sarcastically replied, “There! Anything else? Maybe a butt warmer?”

“No. I think we have a good make-shift sleigh here.” Jasper answered. He turned and went to get Santa for the final inspection. Santa gave the thumbs up however, the only thing about the elastic sleigh was the color. But, there was nothing she could do about that now; not without starting over. Santa would just have to settle for a green and yellow sleigh. The elves pushed her to the reindeers and hitched them to her. She was starting to get second thoughts shortly after she smelled those reindeers. “Pew! Stink-ie! Don’t you ever bath those things?”

Jasper held up a clothespin and commented, “Would this help?”

“We got a friggin comedian here!” Elasticity responded. The elves loaded the bags of toys into the back. Santa approached with Melvin in tow, and got into the sleigh.

Santa attached a device onto Elasticity’s sleigh body, pick up the reins, called to his reindeers, and they were off. After they were airborne, Santa pressed the button on the device. When she looked down, she saw that everything seem to have stopped. Elasticity asked, “What happened?”

Santa joyously replied, “It’s a little something I use to stop time, how else do you think I deliver all those gifts in one night?”

Their first stop was at the Butterfield residents. Santa dropped Melvin off with his Christmas gift, a huge sack of charcoal. Nonie thought that should last him a few years of barbecues. She could not help but laugh for all the trouble he has caused her. The rest of the night was a blur, stopping at house after house. Santa would re-start time as to move to the next time zone. What seem to be one night to everyone, was like a week to Nonie. After all the gifts were delivered, they headed back to the North Pole.

* * * * * *

When they arrived, the elves cheered. Mrs. Claus had a warm place set up for her; so she can re-shape herself back to normal. Mrs. Claus entered with hot cocoa and placed it on a table next to Nonie. She was wrapped in the blanket she used earlier. Mrs. Claus asked, “Are you alright?”

“Yea, just a little cold.” she grabbed the cocoa and took a sip, and asked, “How do you stand this cold all the time?”

Mrs. Claus smiled and answered, “We take trips to the warmer climates whenever possible.”

Santa enter the room and asked, “Well Nonie, are you ready to go home yet?”

“Some place warmer than here?” she jumped up and header for the door, “Yea! What are we waiting for?” and zips out the door.

All the elves were there waiting as she approached. Jasper proclaimed, “You have done us a great service, and we would like to make you a honorary elf.” He held out his hand to Nonie.

She accepted by shacking his hand. To her surprise, there was a little tingling sensation ran through her hand in that shake. She just brushed it off as a little “Christmas magic”. Santa brought out one of the reindeers for Nonie to ride home on and gave her a bag with her gifts. She got on and Dasher took to the air. One of the elves looked at Jasper and said, “You didn’t tell her about the “honorary elf” clause.”

Jasper smiled and replied, “Oh, she’ll find out next year, wont she?”

They laughed and headed inside.

* * * * * *

Christmas morning came, and Stephanie and Alan heard the doorbell ring. Stephanie ran to the door to see if it was Nonie, so she can yell at her for worrying her. But, it was James and Penny at the door. “Merry Christmas Everyone!” Penny shouted.

Stephanie was disappointed said, “I thought you were the rubber-headed nit-wit.” Then James and Penny entered the apartment.

Alan passed out eggnog coffee he whipped up. James asked, “Nonie isn’t here? Where could she be?”

“Last time we saw her, she was at work at the mall.” Alan informed them.

Stephanie said through clench teeth, “She’s been gone all night, worrying us silly. We haven’t heard from her all night.”

“I’m sure she’s all…” Penny was interrupted by a sound from outside. The four ran outside to see what the noise was.

James looked around and saw nothing. Alan was looking up and saw something in the sky, pointed, and shouted, “LOOK!”

“What!” Stephanie asked, “Up in the sky?”

“Is it a bird?” Penny asked.

“Maybe…” James added, “It’s a plane.”

Alan’s eyes widen as he said, “No! It’s Elasticity, on a flying reindeer?”

Elasticity was sitting on a reindeer carrying a large bag over her shoulder. As she landed, she shouted, “Merry Christmas Everyone.”

Stephanie said without blinking, “I’m not even going to ask how you wound up flying home on a reindeer.”

Nonie turned to the reindeer and said, “Thanks Dasher, say hi to the boys when to get back to the North Pole.” Dasher nodded and took to the sky. “Boy I’m pooped, going to all those houses with Santa.”

Stephanie confusedly muttered, “Santa?”

Penny was just as bewildered as Stephanie, added, “North Pole?”

“I got presents!” Nonie said as she held up the bag. Nonie started to pass out the presents, called out, “Here’s one for James…One for Stephanie…and one for Penny…and here’s one for Alan.” The last gift in the bag was for Nonie.

Alan was the first to rip his gift open shouted, “Hey! It’s a Palm Pilot! 40G’s! I didn’t know they made them this big.”

Penny gasped when she unwrapped her mink coat. James could not figure out how Nonie fit a bar bell set into that bag, or lift it for that matter. Stephanie got a gold pendent, asked, “How did you get all these gifts?”

Nonie took the card from her gift and read it aloud, “This is thanks for all you’ve done. If it weren’t for you, Christmas would not have come. Best wishes, Santa and the gang. Nonie open her gift and shouted, “OH BOY! An electric guitar!”

The End